Harmony
I had a colleague with kids who were much older than mine, who always laughed at me when I spoke about finding “balance” in motherhood. “It doesn’t exist!” she’d smile, and you’ll burn yourself out trying to find it. This idea always stuck with me. Balance, in our culture, is always what we are seeking isn’t it? Balance between mothering, career, relationships, house, friends, etc.
Balance between letting go and holding on. Balance between play and work. Balance between two extremes. Cut everything into pie slices and make sure everyone gets the same amount.
And so, what if we change the word balance to harmony?
Creating harmony in our lives is different than finding balance. Finding balance infers everything is equal, when in fact, we all know that some things in our life have different needs, different weights, different depths than others. Indeed, I think even my children alternate how much they need me so I’m not even parenting each child equally at any point in time.
Harmony, to me, implies more of a water color painting. There is blending, there is overlap. Sometimes one color gets blotched completely by another color.
What if we stop seeking balance and start harmonizing? Harmonizing our families so that each voice has moments to be heard. Harmonizing our households so that we can tend to the areas we feel called to, while letting others fall away. Harmonizing our own lives so that we gently let the idea of balance go, and work patiently as family orchestral conductors, supporting each member of the family in a softer and more communal way?