My Top 11 Pregnancy through Parenting Reads
Mother is a Verb: An Unconventional History By Sarah Knott: This is a stunning book about the history of motherhood spanning North America and Britain from the 17th century. How is a history of such a wide experience even possible in a book that is shy of 350 pages? Well, Sarah Knott, the historian who wrote the book weaves together a beautiful tapestry of the experiences of mothering that she pieced together from the bits of accounts left behind by mothers. The beauty and sadness of the gaping holes that written history affords of motherhood (because even in the 1800’s a mother couldn’t finish sending a message), is filled in artistically by Knott’s owe anecdotal experience of motherhood which left me feeling seen, felt and understood as a mother within the lineage of Western mothering. This is one of my favorite books and the writing is stunning.
Bringing Up Bebe; One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman. This book was recommended to me when I was deep in the depths of attachment parenting, which was more like sacrificial parenting in that I sacrificed every smithereen of myself for my baby. I thought attachment parenting meant, neverputyourbabydownandneverletthemcry. So when my friend recommended I read it, (thanks friend for seeing that I needed some boundaries!), I read about three pages and then put it down. Flashforward 5 years later and I was single parenting in a new city and struggling with the fact that neither of my children will sleep and they seemingly want meals as soon as the last was put away and the dishes washed up. A client of my recommended this book to me again (thanks client) and this time it hit the spot. It's a book about boundaries and the importance and joy of being a woman who has needs, and a mother, and if that makes you want to not read it, then you are probably precisely the person who should read it. The other way I may phrase this for someone who is boundary averse is that it's a really helpful book in setting up scaffolding around your day, such as setting up meal times as the only time to eat so that you're not in a never ending cycle of food prep and cleaning, and setting clear structures in your house about what is ok and what is not ok (such as pulling off all of the books on the bookshelf - I'm still trying to prevent this with my 4 year old). This is one of my favorites, and I actually now re-read it quite frequently because it makes my life easier when I employ these boundaries with my kids, and to be honest, I think they rather like the boundaries themselves because they know what to expect.
The Positive Birth Book By Millie Hill; A guide to childbirth that feels judgment free and not overly overwhelming. It's a great alternative to What to Expect When You're Expecting (I beg you please do not read What to Expect - or if you do, balance it out with The Positive Birth Book!)
No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury: I joke with one of my clients that reading/listening to Janet Lansbury is like attending parent therapy. This book is a lesson in how to understand your children’s behavior and then action steps you can do (including scripts) that feel like magic with children. They feel heard and understood, you feel patient.
The 4th Trimester; A Postpartum Guide to Healing Your Body, Balancing Your Emotions and Restoring Your Vitality, By Kimberly Ann Johnson. I recommend this book to every person having a child. It’s both a practical guide and a tenderly deep recognition of the challenges, changes and needs of the 4th trimester (the initial postpartum period). I also regularly reference it as a postpartum professional.
Playful Parenting; When my 5 year old daughter was going through some really tough situations at school and dealing with severe anxiety, I turned to Playful Parenting to guide me through. After numerous nights where we roll-played me being the mean teacher and letting her have free rein to do whatever she wanted to me, her anxiety dropped drastically and she thoroughly enjoyed being able to say and do nasty things to the teacher that she never would have done in real life. Even two years later she still likes to play me being the mean kid/adult and her throwing her aggression at me in a playful, fun, aggressive way. Children play to process. Just like adults talk (or maybe rant) to process. This book teaches you the importance of play for children to somatically and cognitively process life and how to do it.
Parent Data: Ok it’s not a book - It’s a newsletter written by Economist Emily Oster (she also wrote the very popular Cribsheet among other popular parenting books). If you like science, evidence based parenting and want to know the latest research (that you don’t have to comb through yourself), this free newsletter is worth opening your inbox to with open arms.
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, By Ina May Gaskin; This book is divided into two parts. One part is the mechanics of birth providing a lesson in what birth is like and how to prepare for it. The other part is birth stories. I love both parts of this book and found the birth stories part the most helpful for preparing for birth. The stories are very detailed which paints a clear picture of how birth is different for everyone and what birth feels like. Most people don’t share their stories this intimately in real life, so it feels like a treasure trove of information for someone seeking information about what the birth experience will be like from an embodied experience.
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche Legue; My copy of this book is dog eared and milk stained. A dear friend brought it to me when my first baby was a couple of days old and I received it with tears and nipple blood stained shirts. It can be used as a troubleshooting guide, and I consider it a sort of bible of breastfeeding.
Hypnobirthing by Marie F. Mongan: Hypnobirthing - to be honest, I didn’t really think this would grow on me, but after religiously doing the Hypnobirthing with my first pregnancy, I became a staunch supporter. It has accurate anatomical imagery, which as a movement professional I thought was very unique, and offers imagery and affirmations to move you through birth in an embodied way. Sports medicine has long supported research on visualizations and athletic performance, so it makes sense that applying imagery to birth (the most athletic of events in my opinion) works so well. You have to do it to believe it!
Birthing from Within by Pam England and Rob Horowitz; This book is a beautiful, unique and spiritual exploration of the journey of birth. It describes the birth experience as a journey through the rite of passage of birth, which is, I think, a unique perspective of birth from our modern and medicalized perspective.