Parenting and ADHD
This year, at age 34 I realized two important things about how I see the world, how the world perceives me, and my identity. The first is, I realized I have ADHD.
The second is, I found out I'm not actually a Pisces, despite my February birthday, I'm an Aries born one hour into Aries season. I won't go into the identity crisis that ensued after my astrological identity was changed 34 years into life (if you know, you know!), but I will tell you more about my experience with ADHD. An issue far closer to earth than the stars and one that so many other women are discovering in their 30's and older. To start, I'll answer the first question that comes to most people's mind.
How did I find out I have ADHD?
My children's father has ADHD, and because of this, I've been aware that my children have a chance of having ADHD as well. When I spoke to other parents about this, I was recommend a book called Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. Those who know about Dr. Mate's work know of him as a medical doctor and a revolutionary thinker. About the first chapter into reading Scattered Minds I thought, but this describes ME!? I called my ex-husband and exclaimed “I think I have ADHD,” and he laughed and simply said, “Yeah, there is no doubt you have ADHD.” And so began the deep dive into more reading, more listening, more conversations with other women and mental health professionals around ADHD, most of whom had similar awakenings in their 30's.
It's now quite common knowledge that boys are diagnosed early, while little girls may have different symptoms of it altogether, and actually may be better at masking some of their challenges due to gender roles. So what does that mean? In short, it means we've been missed. Missed in the… early years, missed as children struggling in school, and in social situations. Struggling as highly sensitive people and fatigued by the insane work ethic that most of us have developed to cope with ADHD, and still thrive in the world. So I don't right in the tone of hopelessness, but rather in celebration of those of us who are neurodivergent and all the resilience we've built to endure.
Here is to the next generation of mother's who know how to parent themselves and their kids in all of their uniqueness. I believe this may be one of the biggest themes of our parenting generation, to honor our sensitivities and be able to raise out little sensitive offspring with deep attunement.
As far as my personal ADHD journey, I consider the phase I'm in to be one of discovery. Starting to notice when ADHD characteristics are driving the ship (sometimes I celebrate that because that part of me is creeeeative) and when do I need my organizational part of my brain to take the steering wheel (hello business owner and all the admin I do on the daily). I've had moments in the last few months when I've really celebrated myself for how I think and how I view the world, and moments of despair when I realize that, in many ways, ADHD has been a disibiltiy to me. And this is why, as a parent, a highly sensitive human, and part of a family unit with multiple family members with ADHD, I've decided to take the bull by the horns and figure out how to support myself and my family as best as I can. I'm vowing to not leaving anyone behind, as so many of us women were left behind.
Do you wonder if you or your child has ADHD? Feel free to email me to get some more of the resources I've been learning from!